“The Lord is my strength and my song,
He has become my salvation.”
– Psalm 118:14
Welcome to Lucca Sunflower! This is my very first blog post. I will be honest and tell you upfront that I am both excited and terrified! I figure the best place to start is to introduce myself and tell you all a bit about my story.
“This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.”
My name is Crystal. I’m a wife and mother who has been battling life-threatening illness most of my life. I have lupus, anticardiolipin antibodies, history of blood clots, POTS syndrome, kidney transplant; the list goes on and on! Because of this, I have been forced to rely on God for all things. Every single day, I am very aware that this body / this world was not built to last. It has made me cling to the cross; fully dependent on Him for each and every breath. This has been my life for the past 25+ years. All this time, there has been a patient whisper reminding me of my calling…
I know that God is calling me to write; to have the courage to finally write my story of survival. He has been asking me to open up and share my life, but I have wrestled with Him for years… you see, this is not the story I want to tell… I would NOT have chosen this path. My flesh would much rather have a life free of pain. There are times I feel angry watching “healthy” people go about their lives. If I had the choice, I would (and often do) beg for relief; sometimes more desperately than others. My pain has led me on a constant search for comfort. True, deep, soul comfort; contentment and hope that can be found in God alone!!
“Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.”
My natural instinct is to hide my pain. To be honest, there are not many who can handle watching the fullness of my suffering. I have learned to “put on the face” in order to exist in public. Most of the time, I am crumbling inside and everyday tasks often feel impossible. The physical / mental / emotional / spiritual battle is overwhelming and I do not always respond as I should. Yet as someone special once said, “Look how the Lord loves and trusts you to give you such a burden!” Those were some of the most beautiful, humbling, heartbreaking and encouraging words I have ever heard. It is hard to accept the truth that God wants more for me than earthly comforts. He wants me absolutely desperate for Him… and so I am…
“So we do not lose heart.
Though our outer self is wasting away,
our inner self is being renewed day by day.
For this light momentary affliction
is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,
as we look not to the things that are seen
but to the things that are unseen.
For the things that are seen are transient,
but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
– 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore, this blog is my honest and humble sharing of my past / present / future walk with the Lord. My ongoing journey of scraping my way through life; deeply anticipating heaven when I will finally see the precious face of Jesus, and forever experience God’s eternal glory! This is my daily leap of faith; trusting in the Lord to provide for all my needs; being overwhelmed / overcome by God’s unfailing love. By His grace and mercy, I am a survivor! I am grateful to be alive; I have seen miracles happen right in front of my eyes. I know He is able!
“Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.”
Another important part of this blog will be music. How thankful I am that God gave us the gift of music! My whole life, music has been a powerful outlet – to express the beauty and the pain of simply existing! He ministers to my soul, time and time again, through music. It is through worship that He lifts my soul out of the fog of doubt and depression; instantly creating a spark of joy in my soul! The encouragement and energy of worship is essential to my daily survival. It can truly change my heart and my perspective in an instant. Since I was young, I have made mixtapes, then cds and now I am converting past and present playlists and will be continually updating the Music page as I go. Music is a powerful form of therapy for me and I truly cannot imagine life without it!
These lyrics to the classic song, “Blessed Assurance” by Fanny J. Crosby, have been playing in my mind as I attempt to write and share my story. This indeed is my story and this is my only song – praising my Savior all the day long, is all my body / soul / mind / heart long to do! As this melody repeats in my heart, I am reminded that it is God who has written my story. The battle belongs to the Lord and He already has the victory! Because of this, no matter what condition I am in, even in the darkest pit of pain, I can live in perfect submission, perfect peace, lost in the sea of His love…
“Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.”
I pray God uses any piece of my pilgrimage to deeply bless, inspire and encourage you. My ultimate goal with this blog is to lift you up and to encourage you to reach your full spiritual potential, in whatever season you may be in. The Lord knows, He cares, He is making it right… Thank you for joining me as we follow the Son!
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay,
to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken;
struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus,
so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake,
so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.
So death is at work in us, but life in you.”
– 2 Corinthians 4:7-12
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awesome- looking forward to see how God is going to use this and learn stuff I didn’t know even when bough I’ve been around for a lot of it !
Thank you so much, Daddy!!! I am so grateful for you lifelong love, support & guidance. I wouldn’t be where I am and I wouldn’t know Jesus without you… THANK YOU!!!
This is so beautiful and heart felt that it can’t help but touch the reader. I’m so glad you are blogging your journey. Writing can be therapeutic, too! While it is clear you are suffering, how wonderful to see that you truly have a relationship with God. I had a friend remind me once when I felt very much alone, “Remember the teacher is always quiet during a test.” Yes, He is. I look forward to reading more from you! ❤️
Oh you have me all teary-eyed… thank you so so much for your kind and encouraging words. I love that quote, it will stick with me – thank you so much! 🙂
I was just sharing the link to Phil Wickham’s song when I got your notice of this blog. The timing was perfect. Oh, how you will be used to bless the lives of so many others even more than you already have. I know that I have been in awe of your faith for as long as I have known you, Beloved! Thank you for your courage and for sharing your journey.
Ohhhh God bless you, Marsha! You have been such a faithful friend all these years and I am so thankful to have you in my life. Thank you, as always, for your love, prayers and support. Your encouragement means so much more to me than I can say! 🙂
Oh, Crystal! I’m so proud of you! And, as always, so inspired by you! Keep shining for Him \o/ I love you, my sweet friend!
Thank you so much, Vanessa! I am so thankful for your friendship and all the love & encouragement you have given me through the years. I love you & am so thankful for you!
Crystal, you had me at the picture! I so remember that day-moment. I know the struggles have been real, but I’ve also seen the beautiful way God has been conforming you to His image along the way. He has taught me so much through you. Thank you for allowing us to follow along catching glimpses of His glory through your story. I’m so proud of you! Looking forward to your next post and your next post and your next post…God bless you 🙏🏻🙌🏻😘
Ohhhh Mama… thank you!!! Almost everything I know, I have learned from you and through your example. What a blessing I have to be given to such a strong, sweet and godly woman! Thank you for walking with me each step of the way; for rejoicing with me on the good days and putting up with me on all my worst days 🙂
I really enjoyed reading your blog and I’m going to share with others who I think could really relate to it and find great encouragement and strengthening for their souls. I also really love the scriptures you’ve chosen and the worship and how God uses that to minister to us. So beautiful my friend!!
Thank you so much, sweet Denise! What a blessing you have been in my life! Never will I forget that day in the hospital, when you were my nurse, and I knew God put us together for a reason. What a beautiful friend and shining example of God’s love you have been to me all these years! Thank you and I can’t wait to see your beautiful face again!
Denise Ho is my beautiful daughter. She has helped me to reach where I am in my Walk with Christ 🙏
You are an inspiration to me as I too, have felt pain my entire life. My pain has had many manifestations, starting with sexual abuse beginning too early in life for anyone to have to endure, physical went along this, emotional that is created from both. At one time I began to write my story but it seemed to explode into so many ways, I couldn’t keep up. One day I pray that our Lord will nudge me to start again.
God Bless you in your journey and thank God that you have survived all of it, so far, as I have myself. Hopefully we can help each other to work through our pains of life and grasp the hand of Jesus into our free of pain and full of eternal life with Him.
Chris… thank you so so much for sharing! I am reading this in tears, humbled and saddened by all you have endured your whole life. I will be praying for you, and as you said, for the perfect timing and nudge from the Lord to write and share your story as well. I know you know this, but what an amazing daughter you have raised! Denise has been such an encouragement to me – really words cannot even express all the ways she has blessed me! You must be so incredibly proud of her! And AMEN to working through our pain, taking the hand of Jesus, and saying goodbye to the pain forever when at last we see His glorious face – it is coming soon! God bless you, Chris! 🙂
This is one awesome blog. Really looking forward to read more. Sharlene Ferrell Ilyse
Thank you so much 🙂