“If anyone would come after Me,
let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.”
– Matthew 16:24

I grew up in the church, as a Pastor’s daughter, who was there literally every Sunday! My spiritual life has had many phases, and I can still look back on my transition from childlike faith, to “oh-wow-this-is-really-heavy” young adult faith, and remember being overwhelmed and just shocked, when I realized the type of sins He paid for on the cross. And what “take up his cross and follow Me” really means in this passage. Some of my oldest journals have it written down, its highlighted in my teenage bible – it is truly one of the verses that really hit me in my spiritual “growing up” years. These verses make it clear the severity of the lifelong commitment Jesus is asking for when He says, “follow Me.” I remember that first drop of full understanding that to follow Jesus with all of my heart and all of my life, was going to cost me a great deal. It was going to cost all of me and all my life. However, in exchange I would be given the ultimate eternal reward!

There have been so many things in my life I have planned (most recently, starting this blog) and I have watched many of those things fall apart in my hands, time and time again. This has often been because of my own physical limitations. I know God has a reason and a purpose for what He sends and what He allows. That doesn’t mean I haven’t shaken my fist a fair amount of times at Him! In anger, confusion and deep deep sadness, I have questioned why things can’t just “go right” for me! The truth is that in this life and this cursed world, there is opposition / temptation / devastation all around us. To be honest, even with this blog, the enemy has been working overtime to fight me on this, for months and months! I get weary and frustrated as the spiritual battle rages on. In the midst of the many delays and obstacles, I can feel the heaviness of these obvious attacks; blow after blow. It is especially difficult to watch others prosper through unjust ways, when my own hands, folded in constant prayer, often remain empty and utterly broken in pain… But joy indeed comes in the morning and the enemy cannot steal my joy!

“Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”
– 1 John 4:4

The raw truth is that this is the reason I continue to wake up in the morning. This is my primary motivation to keep going; knowing that He has already overcome! He can use my suffering for His glory and this gives my pain an eternal and powerful purpose. Oh how I need that heart knowledge to survive the constant storm that is my life! I have sought comfort in many things, but nothing truly satisfies my soul but God. Nothing even comes close. I can numb myself, distract myself, wear myself out trying to be “happy,” yet I know there will always be a hole in my heart that can only be filled by Jesus.

I also know and fully fall into the truth that He calls, He equips, He goes before, He carefully prepares my path! When He requires me to walk through fire, He always walks with me. There is no place I can go, that He is not there…. I BELONG to Him. I hear His voice and He knows mine! From the child who asked Jesus into her heart at 4 years old, asking Him to forgive my sins and cleanse my soul; thinking my deepest sins were being mean to my brother. To the painful adolescent years of being sick, acting out in rebellion, and just plain screwing up royally… He had His hand on me then and promised never to let go. Fast forward through the roller coaster of my adult life, to me sitting here on my laptop, smiling through tears – honestly, afraid to even imagine what He will require of me in the years / days / hours to come. But I have full confidence that HE WINS and I am under the protection of His wing.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.”
– John 10:27-28

While preparing for what I would write in this blog and trying to think of a name, the sunflower seemed like an obvious choice. My daughter, was called, “Sunflower,” from the time she was born by a beloved family member… little did I know then what significance this would have. Sunflowers follow the sun, just as our hearts were called to follow the Son of God. Just as the sunflower gives its life to follow in obedience and to produce seeds, so we have also been called to pick up our cross and give our lives to follow the Son! Sunflowers are said to symbolize adoration, loyalty, longevity. Translating that into my own spiritual walk, I think it is the perfect definition of the faith and love Jesus plants in us when we first come to Him. So through opposition, sickness, pain, suffering of all kinds, I know the Lord will guide me and there is no battle I cannot face where He doesn’t stand in front of me! My life has become so enthralled with Him, I have no choice but to follow Him. The only way I have survived so many years of my life, is simply keeping my eyes on the Son; trusting Him, following Him, willing to give it all for Him…

When the rains come down, when the floods come up, when storms outside (and inside) rage, who do you turn to? Are your eyes fixed on the Son or on the rapidly decaying world below? Are you allowing Him to use you, like the sunflower, to produce seeds for the future? I am asking myself these same difficult questions… The truth is my answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no. I echo the cry of the father in Mark 9:24, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!” He is patient with us and He welcomes us back with open arms when we are ready to say goodbye to the world, take up our cross – no matter how heavy it may be – and follow Him! I pray today, and every day to come, that we will take up our cross, and willingly, with all our lives, truly follow the Son!

“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”
– Matthew 16:24-26

The song on my heart this week is a special one. There has been so many attacks to try to keep me from starting this blog. I’ve been sad and discouraged with each new problem. God kept His hand on me! Reminding me to keep my eyes on Jesus and just KEEP FOLLOWING HIM! He gave me the date of starting on my birthday, what a whirlwind that was! But that very morning, Phil Wickham (yes, another song from him!) was posted on YouTube. This song feels so personal and like it was meant just for me! (and now for you too!) I share this as an example that He gives us what we need, when we need it. He does not ask us to pick up our cross without His help. There is nothing we can experience that He has not felt and paid for on the cross. He stands in the fire beside us… He carries our healing in His hands… may this song bless you today, as it has so richly blessed and encouraged me. Let’s follow the Son together…

“Jesus, Jesus
Who walks on the waters
Who speaks to the sea
Who stands in the fire beside me
He roars like a lion
He bled as the Lamb
He carries my healing in His hands
Jesus”

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