Called Aside – Part # 2 / Our Surrender

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”
~ James 4:10

Hello Friends and Family 🙂

The humbling truth is I have written this post many times, but God has not allowed me to move forward until my heart fully surrendered… I’ve been frustrated, but now see how necessary this process was for me! I am grateful He makes me “practice what I preach” before I can find adequate words to share…

(The 1st post in this series can be found here: Called Aside Post # 1 / Our Reaction,)

As my daughter often says, “you are never alone when you have Jesus.” As things in our country and in our homes continue to unfold, I am finding it necessary to my survival to walk closer than ever to Jesus…

Called aside–
In hidden paths with Christ your Lord to tread,
Deeper to drink at the sweet Fountainhead,
Closer in fellowship with Him to roam,
Nearer, perhaps, to feel your Heavenly Home.

Physical Surrender vs. Spiritual Surrender

As I have pondered the word “surrender,” I am struck by the difference between the worldly definition of surrender and the biblical view of surrender. As many of us have found, physical surrender is something that is often forced. Just like in the Candy Land game, when you are forced into the mush pot! We don’t choose this type of surrender; our body chooses it for us. Physical surrender, and the worldly definition of surrender is basically, defeat! A personal example of this is if I don’t take certain medications, I very quickly become incapacitated. I am physically surrendered / defeated / at the mercy of my own limitations! I have no choice but to lay down and rest. However, I’m sure most of us can agree that this forced “rest” is not always restful! You can be laying in bed, fully physically surrendered, but there is no true REST unless we surrender spiritually.

“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
~ Matthew 11:28-30

You will find REST for your souls! Deep down, isn’t this what we are all craving?? The definition of the word “surrender” is: “to cease resistance” and “to submit to authority.” When we do exactly that, and submit to the authority that God already has over our lives – it is then we can truly experience the true spiritual REST He longs for us to have. This is a rest and relief that cannot be shaken; by anyone or anything! No matter what happens in our bodies, in those around us, in our world – we can REST completely and fully in His love. Falling into the loving, everlasting arms of God is the deepest comfort we can feel in this life.

Complete Surrender of What We Love Most

I have been sick for most of my life; starting with my 1st blood clot at 14. I recently told my daughter that when I was 14, laying in a hospital bed alone, with the reality of my condition and my future painfully setting in – I never would have dreamed I would live to be 40! It is humbling and beautiful that God has sustained me physically for so long. However, the road has been difficult and the life I live today has come at a cost. When I made this video of Bella’s birth, there were some photos (not included in the video!) that were hard to look at. There is no other way to explain it except to say I could see death in my eyes. 🙁 At the time, my husband and I both noticed how the doctors and specialists (who were at the top of their field!) would walk into my room, and even they looked scared! I was completely surrendered to my dying body, not at all by choice. Over the past 25 years of sickness, I have spent enough time in hospitals, on my knees saying desperate prayers, to know the relief of spiritually surrendering my life and my body to God. But I also know it can be a completely different story when it comes to surrendering those you love the very most…

I have to say, I do NOT like being on the other side of this! When it is not my own life, but that of my child / my spouse / my parent, it is beyond difficult to completely surrender them to the Lord to do as He pleases. One of my greatest fears since her birth, was that Bella would grow up without a mom. Being a sick parent with near death past experiences, it is like a dark cloud always following me. Since the day she was born, God has called me to hand her over to Him. Her name reflected that before I could even process and understand the depth of the complete surrender He was asking for. Isabella means “consecrated to God” and so she is… I cannot even write this without crying! My human love / thoughts / fears want to take over and insist that I am the one who can decide what is best for her! But my heart of hearts knows that God loves her more than I ever could… which is unfathomable but true!

“And may you have the power to understand,
as all God’s people should, how wide, how long,
how high, and how deep His love is.”
~ Ephesians 3:18

I still pray I can be here for her today, and for as many tomorrows as I have. But my soul can truly rest knowing she is in His loving hands, and He will care for her, with or without me. I think of the test of Solomon in 1 Kings 3:16-28 (I loved this story as a kid though I must admit it freaked me out a bit!) where the true mother would rather her child live without her than to die. Complete spiritual surrender means letting go of our hold on this world, and our hold to those people and things we love most. We must give them to Him; we are called to trust His plan for them, no matter what it may be.

Living a Life of Surrender / Humility / Obedience

God knows I would not chose this fragile life of chronic illness, but I also know this is a precious eternal gift to rely on Christ and Christ alone for hope / purpose / fulfillment. Still, I struggle to fully humble myself daily to His will. There are times I just don’t want to live this way anymore! I get wrapped up in my own desires and my own plans; I wander off and try to make things work out in my own strength. Then I wonder where God is when things aren’t going as I planned… As my Dad says, “if you feel distance between you and God, He hasn’t moved, you have moved away from Him!” When I feel my heart slipping, when I feel anger, frustration, discontent rising within me, I stop myself and ask these questions:

Whatever God is bringing to my heart, am I willing to follow His call to surrender it ALL?
What is preventing me from surrender?
What am I holding on to and why am I holding on to it so tight?
Will I trust what the Word of God is telling me?
Will I humble myself and my own will and actively surrender, everyday?

Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane is the ultimate example. Until we are surrendered to the point of saying, “not my will but Your will be done,” we will not find the true rest, peace and joy God has for us.

“Then He said to them, ‘My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death.
Stay here and watch.’ He went a little farther, and fell on the ground,
and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him.
And He said, ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for You.
Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.'”
~ Mark 14:34-36

I love these verses as they show His acknowledgement that all things are possible for the Father! ALL THINGS! Nothing is impossible with God! And Jesus asks Him to take the cup away! But nevertheless, He surrenders completely to His Father’s will, even when when His soul is sorrowful, even when He was facing death and the wrath of God for our sins… If He can surrender / submit / obey and humble Himself to pay this price for me, then my complete surrender should be a no-brainer! There is nothing I can feel, physically / emotionally / mentally / spiritually, that my Lord has not felt. He sees the whole picture and my life is just one small (but significant!) piece of the puzzle. I must let go of the hold I have to this life, so that I can reflect His glory and be an example of His humility.

However, we are human, in human bodies with human emotions. And living HURTS! So then how can we “count it all joy” (James 1:2) when we are falling apart – physically / mentally / emotionally?!?! The answer is simple but difficult. Complete surrender of our will and the way we think things should be. We want control, we want to “fix” the things that are going wrong for us, and for our loved ones. God patiently reminds me that most of the time, the only way I can help people (and truly the BEST help of all) is to get on my knees and pray. No matter what the situation is, it always comes down to each of us and our relationship with God. When we are at death’s door, it is Him and us… In times of sadness, and in times of joy, and everything in between, I have to ask myself:

Do I trust Him with my whole life, and yes, even my death?
Do I trust Him with my family and with those I love the very most?
Do I believe that He is the God of the universe and all things are truly in His hands?
Am I willing to live a life that doesn’t look the way I hoped / desired / expected?
Am I content knowing my hope is in heaven, not in this life?
Can I truly say, “not my will but yours be done?”

These are all questions I can say “yes” to – even when my voice shakes and my head doesn’t understand. It is then that He quiets me with His love, He sings over me, and He comforts my hurting, often broken heart. He reminds me as in Matthew 6:34, “each day has enough trouble of its own.” I am finding more and more that I must sit at His feet each day, sometimes hour by hour, and ask for His help and guidance. This is often the cry of my heart:

“Lord, You know my heart. You know my weakness. You know I often feel useless, with a body that feels like a failure most days. I hide / deny / escape / distract myself in an attempt to push away the pain. Still I give you all I am; use my life for Your eternal glory. I want to be the woman You want me to be. I cannot do it on my own. Anything good / inspiring / useful in my life, comes from You. You make it clear through this broken earthen vessel, that the power comes from You and You alone. (2 Corinthians 4:7) Please give me inspiration / drive / energy for what you have called me to. Call me out of this pit of despair. Help me to accept Your will for my life, and for the lives of the people I love so very much. Jesus, I surrender all to you… I lay it at Your feet. “

Called aside–
Oh, knowledge deeper grows with Him alone;
In secret oft His deeper love is shown,
And learned in many an hour of dark distress
Some rare, sweet lesson of His tenderness.

There is freedom, tenderness, peace and joy on the other side of surrender. One day / one hour / one moment at a time… it is a difficult way to live but also forces you to keep your eyes completely fixed on Jesus. To walk with Him daily, talk with him, pray and wait on the Lord for direction. There is a sweetness and intimate friendship when you are so close to God in this way. Fully aware He is in control; surrendering the grip we try to hold on ourselves, on our own security, on our families, on all the things we love most. When we humble ourselves before Him, He will lift us up! May this truth encourage your heart today! ♥

And a special bonus for the music lovers, a special Called Aside playlist! This playlist is a combination of old, tried and true, worship songs, as well as some new favorites of mine. It is very long, over 2 hours (oops!) but that is for a reason as well. Music is very therapeutic to me, especially during times of pain / anxiety / uncertainty. I like to have some long playlists that I know will get me through long stretches in the night, and hopefully put me back to sleep.

I also am going to give you permission to hit “shuffle” with this playlist! What??!! Ha ha if you know me well, you know planning the playlists and listening to the transition and flow from one song to the next, is an important art from to me. LOL! What I love about this playlist is each song is a full worship session in itself. So let it play straight through, or just hit shuffle when you need a quick song, and let me know if you have any favorites! I tried to pick one to highlight this week, and ended up with this long list of 25 songs instead so I don’t think it is possible for me to have a favorite!

Thank you for listening and worshipping with me. I hope you enjoy! ♥

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